Relaxing Your Hair Is Just A Hairstyle Not A Sell Out

And wearing your hair natural is not a political statement

When did how a black woman chooses to wear her hair become a political statement rather that what it is; a hairstyle?

I recently saw a thread on a black hair forum about relaxers being no different in terms of self hate than skin lightening creams and plastic surgery. A strong statement that’s likely to gauge a reaction whether your hair is natural or relaxed.

Some may agree due to the risks associated with relaxers like hair loss from scalp burns, cancer risk and risks to unborn babies in pregnant women. Why risk having a caustic chemical on your head just for straight hair? That aside, many other cosmetic and household products we use also come with risks associated yet we use them anyway because we always have. Soaps, shampoos and cosmetics also contain many allergens and parabens which have been linked to cancer yet we go on using them.

This may be a very naive view of things but when I was around 10 I asked my mum if I could get my hair relaxed. She refused saying that I could have it done when I was thirteen. When I was finally old enough, on the night before we were due to go to the salon to relax my hair, I was so excited I could barely sleep. I was excited not because of any socio-political reason but because it would make my hair look different. Just the same way I would get excited about wearing a brand new outfit to a party I was invited to. By the same token, I was ecstatic to see my natural hair grow when I decided to transition a few years ago. Not for any other reason than my hair would look different.

In previous generations it is possible that there was a slight element of self hate that made many women opted for relaxers as there was the conception that straight hair was more’ hygienic’. Silly I know! However in current generations girls from a young age relax their hair because it is the way things are done. Your mum’s hair is relaxed, your sister’s hair is relaxed so it follows that you will relax yours too right? Others opt for relaxers because they feel it will make their hair more manageable.

Let me pose a question however. If relaxing hair was a sign of self hate then how do we explain all those African women who relax their hair? I am talking here of the women who live in African countries where more than 90% of the population is black. There aren’t many white women with straight locks to envy and want to emulate. Television does not play that much of a part either particularly in rural areas of Africa where electricity is not common. So why do they relax their hair? The answer is simple. For the same reason that brunettes want to be blonde. For the same reasons that we paint our nails, put on lipstick, wear jewellery and even braid our hair. Because it makes us look different and feel different and we think it will enrich our lives somehow. It’s just the human urge to try new things and experiences.

Relaxing your hair is only a problem when you are not doing it for the right reasons. If you are caving in to pressure from work to look ‘presentable’ or to fit in with a perceived image of European beauty then you have a problem!

Let’s be honest here. We are the ones who have made an issue out of the differences between relaxed hair and natural hair. When a white woman gets a curly perm, she’ll probably get comments about her new hairstyle. No such luck for a black woman, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. After all, how many other races call the hair that grows out their scalps anything other than natural? By drawing the battle lines, we have created the problem.

Being natural is also nothing to be particularly proud of. For better or worse, it’s just a hairstyle.

Author Bio

BHI – has written 198 posts.

BlackHairInformation.com is the brainchild of myself Alma Campbell. I am a homemaker, a mother and a writer. I started the website in mid 2008 with breaking relaxed hair. After making the decision to transition to natural hair, I have now fulfilled my dream of healthy long hair and I want you to achieve the same. My favourite subject is hair and I continue to blog about my hair journey here but I also write a weight loss blog LessFoodMoreLife.com

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Posted by BHI on March 9, 2010. Filed under General Articles, Relaxed Hair. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

Just so you know..

Wow!…. Some women THINK it's a conscious choice. They don't realize (or won't realize) the sub-conscious impact that imperialism, slavery, ect.. have had on them even decades and generations later. You can tell yourself all you like that you were not effected by those things at the age of 13, but unless you were living on an isolated island or in a bubble, you're lying to yourself. Anyone who really thinks that they can detach themselves from those roots that have been embedded in our psyche (as well as our parents and grand parents who pass them on) need to read "YURUGU" by Marimba Ani, and look really hard within themselves. Look beyond your surface and really understand. It takes a strong person to be able to really delve into those complexities. For most people it's easier to just believe the hype. Ignorance is bliss for most….
Also, I am not HATING on anybody! Hatred stems from envy and jealousy. I'm a natural hair stylist, The clients that I see with relaxers have no elasticity to their strands, broken ends and itchy irritated scalps! Why would I hate on them Hun? I want my clients to have the healthiest hair possible! Stop looking at it from such a light-weight and two-demensional perspective because when you really get to the meat of it, Relaxing your hair = damaged CHEMICALLY UNHEALTHY HAIR! Plain and simple. Whether you think you had a epiphany to one day get a relaxer, or you were forced to, or whatever your motivation was, YOU ARE STILL SLOWLY KILLING YOUR HAIR AND SCALP! Now How does that message get lost in translation??! If you want women to feel like relaxing their hair is OK because it's "Their choice" then you're leading your readers down the wrong path. I am obligated as a natural hair stylist to provide women and men with the healthiest options possible and I would NEVER recommend that ANYONE put sodium hydroxide on there scalp. It's not about HATiING it's about HEALTH AND HELPING. I've seen countless women with irreparable damage crying to me because of the "CHOICE" that they've made for years. Stick to the facts. It's a fact that Chemical straighteners were used by Black Men and women to conceal the kinky hair they were ashamed of. It's a fact, the FDA lists hair straighteners and hair dyes among its top consumer complaint areas. It's a FACT More and more Black women are loosing the battle with relaxers and loosing their hair! SO for you to make reckless statements that lead women to think that it's OK to apply Sodium Hydroxide to your scalp whenever you want a "NEW LOOK" is leading them down the path to a dermatologists office in the future, or to a stylist like myself to fix the mess they've created. If you worried less about people HATING on those who wear relaxers and more on relaxer wearers LOVING their hair enough to be vigilant and stay chemical free, then articles like yours would be more progressive.
Please, don't get it twisted I know you went natural because you're hair is healthier and that is the case for everyone. It's as simply as 123, Chemicals lead to damaged hair and scalp. You may not see it today, but one day it will negatively effect one's hair.
Also, have you ever lived in Africa? Since you feel my views are flawed and you want me to EXPLAIN some reasons for changes in rural Africa, I will. I grew up in Liberia. At that time everyone ate red rice which was rice locally grown by farmers there. It was hearty, healthy and very much a staple. In the 70's Uncle Ben's Quick rice was introduced by America, and surely because it was AMERICAN, it had to be better! They didn't want the local rice anymore. It was uncivilized! Civilized people ate Uncle Ben's even though it cost more and has basically no nutritional value AT ALL! Now tell me, is that not SELF HATE? Who tells us that Red rice is what the poor peasants eat when it was good enough before? How did we get those ideas? It is SO much BIGGER than just convenience Hun… Imported French bread and English tea are much more expensive than local items, but they are attached to having higher status and class Liberians didn't just make an unbiased decision to buy Uncle Ben's because they liked the taste, It was embedded that the foreign product was better than what they themselves could ever make. Just like the feeling that someone else's hair texture is better, easier, shinier, longer, than their own hair! Is that not SELF HATRED? the seeds have been planted and even though you can't see the point of origin through the thicket does not mean that it's not there. Why can't you understand this???? Why do African people lighten their skin? Is that convenient too????? Or is that self hatred???? They MUST just want to switch up their look again like you, right??
Please… Stop the Madness and open at least one eye….

http://intensedebate.com/people/BHI BHI

I cannot in good conscience say that I believe that relaxers are slowly killing ladies hair because I have seen ladies who have been relaxing for over 30 years and don't have the thinning edges and bald spots that you speak of. In actual fact if asked directly I do tell people that I believe that natural hair is 'healthier' than relaxed hair because of the added strength, elasticity and versitility. I win over more converts by telling them this rather than if I was telling them that they are self-hating by using relaxers.

In the meantime, I do accept that the great majority of women choose to relax their hair but don't want to be seen as lepers for choosing to wear their hair straight. Maybe what we should be doing is campaigning for gentler relaxers that don't burn the scalp to be standard on the market? I don't know, all I know is sadly in spite of everything women will continue to relax their hair.

In actual fact I have lived in Africa, my grandmother still lives there and I think the most likely scenario for the why people choose to buy white bread is because it saves them from making it themselves!
http://profiles.google.com/sadgegoddess Donalda Goncalves

“Wow!…. Some women THINK it’s a conscious choice. They don’t realize (or won’t realize) the sub-conscious impact that imperialism, slavery, ect.. have had on them even decades and generations later.”

Absolutely correct. I would also suggest Pedagogy of the Oppressed by Paulo Freire to learn about the effects of internalized oppression and racism. Weaves and relaxers aren’t true choices for black women. Not when your ability to get employment or get the man more often than not depends on you altering your natural hair texture. When the first lady can show up at a state function in braids, then we can count relaxing one’s hair as a legitimate option. Until then, as black women, we are fooling ourselves.

Also, it seems that it is IMPOSSIBLE to go years of relaxing and weaving and have truely healthy hair. That should tell you something. It told me something, that’s why I’m rocking a ‘fro.

http://www.lessfoodmorelife.com/ BHI

By your definition, even braids are not a genuine choice. If we grew up in a world where our mothers and grandmothers braided their hair, we would do the same, just as our kids are now growing up in a world where some people choose to relax their hair. In actual fact, we eat what we do today because it is what we grew up eating. I don’t argue that our food choices are based on ‘brainwashing’. All I’m saying is that you can choose to get Thai food today instead of a burger because it is commonplace. Just the same way that relaxers are so commonplace that it is in fact a geniune choice for many women today who choose to use them. If we lived 60-100 years ago, in America, then there would be no argument.

you know

Another thing….Think about relaxing one's hair as if it were akin to smoking cigarettes. Everyone knows the risks of inhaling tobacco for a long period of time, it's right on the package. Just like people know what sodium Hydroxide can do to your scalp and hair because you feel the burning sensation when you get a touch up and a lot of women develop scabs afterwards! Ok, so if a teenager grew up in a environment where her mother, aunts, sisters, grandmother, teachers, church goers, movie actresses, models in magazines, tv stars and classmates smoked, she wouldn't have to make a CHOICE to gladly pick up a cigarette and smoke because i would be expected at some point and practically normal! Even if GrandMa had lung cancer, and others started to deteriorate from smoking, It's all around her! She would have to make a choice NOT to smoke! It's the same principal when we are bombarded with relaxer laden images and most of the Black women we come in contact with have relaxers, wigs, weaves, or some euro straight style. It's not a choice it's more of a right of passage! We make the choice to go AGAINST that and go natural. Grown women that come to me ready to go natural don't even know how to comb their natural hair! They don't know how to care for it, what products to use, NOTHING! It's like teaching them a whole new language! Nobody teaches young ladies to care for and LEARN how to do their own natural hair FIRST! They know know to wrap roll and flat iron though…When their relaxed hair starts falling out they have to learn the basics like what's a Loc is and what makes it different from a braid! I don't feel like you are making a choice when your mother gets your hair relaxed before you're 18 and you continually wear it relaxed well until adulthood before going natural again. You don't know anything about your hair at that time. Let's teach our girls to be just as fluent in natural hair care. I mean, they should know what products work for their hair, what tools to use, they should be able to twist their own hair, detangle their own hair, and style their own hair. How about letting them understand all those things before even ENTERTAINING the thought of a relaxer instead of the other way around….

I'm just saying….

http://intensedebate.com/people/BHI BHI

There you go, you kinda proved what I was trying to say with the smoking analogy. They smoke because its practically normal until they realize that it is not good for them and they quit. In my case, relaxing your hair was a rite of passage, everyone did it, and when I was finally allowed to relax nobody told me about the dangers, or maybe they did but I was 13 and determined so I didn't care! It wasn't a question of self hate. In time I came to hear and absorb the dangers of relaxing my hair and yet I continued to do so year after year. It wasn't until I heard women preach the BENEFITS of natural hair that I finally listened and decided to go natural.

However I lets be honest, some ladies will NEVER go natural so all I can do is help them get throught the experience with as little damage as possible. I'm a proponent of texlaxing/texturizing over relaxing one's hair to avoid scalp burns and leave some strength and elasticity in the hair. They get a taste for their hair in an 'almost natural' state and hopefully eventually decide to go all the way natural.

In the meantime, relaxed ladies believe that their relaxed locks are just a hairstyle, they are not selling out and I agree with that because it's truly what I believe having been one of them in the past. I would not congratulate somebody for choosing NOT to get a tatoo nor will I hire a mariachi band if someone decides to go natural, they are not making a statement with their hair, they are simply leaving things as they should be.

Melissa

Well I love my hair wether it is relaxed or natural. BTW even though it is almost impossible to do, relaxer isnt suppose to go on your scalp anyway. It is only for your new growth, so if it is being applied correctly, then there shouldnt be many worries. If you know how to properly take care of your hair, soes it really matter? I wish a female would come tell me Im a sell out because I relaxed my hair… ALMA keep doing what you do. You have love from me all the way from Baghdad Iraq! MUAH!!!!!

http://intensedebate.com/people/BHI BHI

Thanks girl!

Ms. V

To piggy back on Alma's and Just So you know's comments:

Contemplate this: The only country in Africa not to be colonized by Europeans is Ethiopia. Do ya research on how they wear their hair. You'll see that relaxers and weave are not as common. Men do not wear as many fades and women may straighten their hair, but will wear their natural texture interchangeably. On the other hand, perms and weaves are the norm in many other countries that have experienced colonialism and slavery around the world and the women who get them often become dependent on their hair style in order to feel attractive. I doubt this is a coincidence.

I don't believe that all women who relax are self hating. Many of them are mis-educated on how to style and manage their natural hair and sometimes its just easier to go with what you know. As a natural, I give and receive I from women with all types of hair styles. Hey, everything ain't for everybody all the time.

However, there are some women, even myself at some point, who straightened because they feel their texture is inferior. They want to be able to flip their hair over their shoulder, have that bounce and that shine. If you know enough black women, you know of at least a few who do this.

Go on sites like nappturaly.com, tytecurl.com and goingnatural.com and read some hair stories. You'll see that many who are now natural also had loathed their texture at some point. They eventually grew tired of the relaxers or weaves but for a long time didn't know what else to do and initially thought natural hair would cost them job opportunities, love interests and cause negative comments to come their way. Trust, It takes some audacity to go natural. For me its not a political statement, but a lifestyle choice that involved a lot more thought and research than just your average "style".

BHI

I know what you mean about Ethiopians, my mum is half Ethiopian and I agree that it's just a question of miseducation on how deal with our hair that causes the problems. The ladies I know who loathe their texture hate it because it is dry and wiry but try telling them that afro hair doesn't have to be like that, that you can be natural with soft well moistuized hair. They just laugh and tell me that maybe mine's like that but theirs can never be!

naturally yours

it dosent matter if black women have been influence to wear straight hair. it is still a choice.if i try to influence a person to do something and if they choose to do it or not it still a choice. even though i was relaxed i didnt have the negative mentality towards natural hair most relax women have.so was i still a selfhater? i love my hair regardless how i choose to wear it. some people have a habit of putting their issues on others. we all have different experience and are different indivduals so how can u say all women relax because of selfhate.u have to know the individual mentialty. some women do it for a style while some have deep issues.i do belive as long as we are expose to straight hair it will always be an option. the greater exposer to natural hair the more it will be an option.if u relax because u cant mantain natural hair, thats lack of knowledge not self hate.women relax for multiple reason not just self hate. why is that so hard to believe?

BHI

Aint that the truth. I find that it's the people who had deep issues themselves when they relaxed that imagine that all other women relax for the same reasons they did. It must be impossible for them to imagine a woman wanting straight hair just because . . .

Ree

I'm so glad I ran across this, as late as I may be, I feel the exact same way. I call those women Natural Hair Nazis. I don't understand why can't getting a relaxer just be a choice. Like anything else that's a choice…some of these ladies rant and rave about how much damage you are doing to your hair by using chemicals, but these same women drink like a fish, smoke, and any other thing that could be looked at as unhealthy. Don't point your natural finger at me because I've chosen to get a relaxer, but your liver is tore up because you can't put the patron down.

BHI

lol at this!
Elle

You are SO right. Many natural ladies can give you a complete run-down of all the chemicals in a relaxer, and how they can supposedly kill you, but at the same time they are using many other products that also have questionable ingredients. Chemicals found in perfumes, deodorants, soaps and toothpaste have been reported to have serious adverse effects, but no one has any issue with those products. What some people fail to consider is that many of the dangers associated with relaxer chemicals usually occur from exposure to high doses. The concentrations that are used in health and beauty products are not enough to cause serious harm, unless an individual is particularly sensitive to a chemical. Then there's also the fact that some chemicals can be made in industrial grades, food grades and medical grades. Phosphoric acid, for example, is a common rust remover, but its food grade version is used in many colas and its medical grade is used by dentists to soften tooth enamel before drilling. Naturals LOVE to tell you how sodium hydroxide (lye) is used as drain or engine cleaner, yet have NO idea that it is also used to process chocolate, solidify ice cream, and it has many other food processing uses. Of course a chemical-free body is more healthy, but some people act as though relaxers will cause you to spontaneously combust, or that there is a 100% chance that you will die of some terminal disease if you use them (even though there are many relaxed ladies who are so old they may have gotten their first relaxer from Madame CJ Walker herself, LOL). If there were a DIRECT link between these products and permanent bodily harm, then someone would be able to provide sound medical documentation to say this, instead of just saying what each chemical can do in general (even though they have no idea of how much of each chemical is even being consumed, or if those amounts are any more toxic than other household products). And before anyone says that the ubiquitous "they" are hiding this information just to harm black people, there are other races of people who relax their hair and there are black doctors who should be able to provide the info — if it were true. Those who are burning and maiming themselves with chemical products are either misusing them, or as stated earlier they have some type of sensitivity. I don't believe in vilifying an entire class of products — and the people who use them — for the sole purpose of justifying one's personal choices or to scare people into doing what you do. And I really don't see how choosing to go natural because you were scared into it by some wanna-be doctors and chemists in natural blogs is any better than relaxing your hair out of self hate. Either way, your choices are being forced by someone else.

BHI

I burst out laughing at 'spontaneously combust' but I hear you girl. Lye is even used to give pretzels that lovely shade of brown without burning the inside! I bet you plenty of naturals are munching on them!!
Contactcici

There are flaws in your reasoning, Sister. Just because some women with natural hair use other damaging or harmful products doesn’t mitigate the danger of using sodium hydroxide. Everything you put on your hair gets into your bloodstream because there are many blood vessels under your scalp. The negative effects of having drain cleaner in your blood are undeniable. Most deadly diseases don’t have outwardly visible symptoms. African people are dying of many of the major diseases at a higher rate than all other groups. This is attributed to lifestyle choices; not genetics, since there is one human race

Ree

I don't get it. I am just deciding to transition to the natural world after 23 years of being relaxed. My dad thought it would be a good idea for my sister and I to get a relaxer. I was only 6. So this was my "norm" nearly all my life. Growing up in a household where my dad wouldn't allow me to have a white babydoll, I doubt very seriously that he suggested a relaxer so I could conform to the European world. More than likely it was because he watched my mom take ALL day to comb me and my sister's hair and figured relaxing would be more convenient. It is totally unfair to assume that because a lady chooses to wear her hair straight that she's self hating.

Thanks for writing this, Alma. Finally someone who sees this issue much like myself.

BHI

Thanks for your comment! It's the same in my household. My hubby won't let our daughter play with white dolls and yet he recently asked me to texturize his hair. His hair is quite long and he hated having it combed and braided coz it would tangle and hurt his sensitive scalp. Is he trying to be white too or is just using a mod con that is the relaxer?!!

Elle

I'd also like to know… if a black woman gets a relaxer, then covers her hair in gel and freezes it into some outlandish "urban" style that no self respecting white OR black person would ever want to wear, are they also "trying to be white"? What about a black woman with long straight weave that's blue and green? I'm just trying to get a handle on this self hate thing, since people want to throw the term around so freely. Is there a rule book on it?

guest

I think what’s more of a sell-out is the fact that there is not a lot of hair-care going on when black women go for hair care services. While many “stylists” (and maybe that’s the problelm) can go on endlessly about you needing a cut (or your hair won’t grow), or color services, or you need to wrap your hair at night, or stop putting heat on your hair, etc. Black women are plagued by damage and breakage. I just discovered ACV after wearing a relaxer for all of my adult life (which started breaking in the last 13 years). Now I understand what my problem has been – at the moment I am experimenting with growing the relaxer out to see how ACV works on my natural hair and whehter it helps to keep the relaxed portions from breaking. Wish me luck.
Nae

I know, I know. I’m SUPER late LOL. However, I do get a tad bit annoyed with all the relaxer bashing that black women seem to love to do. I honestly don’t think a lot of women are relaxing out of “self-hatred”. I also don’t think many may be relaxing for a new look. I think majority of black women use relaxers because it is CONVENIENT.

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with natural hair but most people do not have the time or patience to be nappy (I didn’t use my Don Imus voice when I said that lol). Since discovering LHCF, an online hair board, I’ve learned that naturals have JUST as many issues as relaxed women. Time spent detangling, moisturizing, preventing/dealing with splits and single strand knots are some of the main reasons behind why some women choose to relax. I get so tired of people singling out relaxers as the cause behind unhealthy hair. Yes the process is damaging, but there are a slew of relaxed women with long, thick healthy hair. So to say that natural hair is more healthy is misleading. As long as you have hair on your head, it can be healthy. Now that that’s out the way, back to this self hatred.

I think the theory is beyond ridiculous and I think it is unfair to target relaxed heads. Like someone commented above we ALL indulge in some self-hate. Women can try to make this “political” statement all they want when they go natural but until those women start eating foods native to us, wearing clothing native to us or manufactured by us, and/or move their asses to Africa, they’re selling out just as much as a relaxed woman. I don’t want to come off as bashing naturals but I’m tired of this supremacist attitude some tend to harbor. You think because you’re embracing your natural curls you’re being revolutionary? I’m sorry, but no. I just don’t see it that way. How you choose to wear your hair is just that……HOW YOU CHOOSE TO WEAR YOUR HAIR.

I think black women tend to feed into this hair thing too much. As long as YOU have hair on your head you shouldn’t give a damn what someone else does to their hair or why they did it. I question why some women are even concerned to begin with. Different strokes for different folks. Stop assuming someone is trying to fit in with society because they prefer a looser texture. It’s offensive and not always true.

http://www.lessfoodmorelife.com/ BHI

LOL! A woman after my own heart! Some have an afro on their head while wearing jeans and nail polish. Ain’t that a contradiction. Embrace traditional African ways of life and clothes and then you are entitled to preach relaxer hate.
Comberge

I am with you. Just do your hair how you want. Me personally it is ALL about what makes the individual comfortable. African Americans place too much emphasis on interpreting body/hair care with trying to be white. We are our worst enemy unfortunately. We can never pass a compliment to one without comparing it to trying to be white.

guest

I wonder what is the difference between relaxing hair and skin lightening???? Skin lightening is the process of applying potentially harmful products to your natural skin in order to achieve a lighter skin tone. Relaxing is applying a potentially harmful products on your natural hair texture in order to achieve a different hair texture

Contactcici

No difference. Both are suicide by self-hatred. What is perplexing and disturbing is what some are calling choices. Who in their right mind chooses to poison themselves and potentially their family members/children? It’s insane. Relaxers were invented and popularized due to white supremacist indoctrination and pressures to assimilate. The fact that they are now the norm does not change history. I applaud brothers and siaters of all cultures and persuasions who embrace and appreciate people for the way they were created.

http://www.lessfoodmorelife.com/ BHI

Actually a black man invented relaxer and quite by accident too! Maybe the original customers used it because they somehow wanted to ‘blend’ in with white people but to suggest that its the same reason that women relax today is silly quite frankly. Some barely know about black history, they just know that they want their hair to look like Beyonce’s.